its been awhile

As you can see I sort of completely gave up on the whole blogging thing. Maybe I was just carried adrift in the blogging craze and now I've come back to the shore. That makes no sense. Anyways, I've been getting really into youtube lately. I mean I've been watching it a lot lately. I have yet to post a video, but I will soon. Seeing as nobody has ever seen this blog and its likely no one will I can write anything I want.

Dwindling Relationships

So my dad pretty much hates me now for no reason other than I'm taking a semester off before I start college. He thinks I'm falling behind instead of just taking some time to decide what I really want to do. He told me that I'm wandering aimlessly. Is there such a difference in perspective between parent and child that my father thinks I'm going to dramatically affect my future happiness by taking a measly six month break before entering college? Its not like I'm smoking crack on park benches and begging for money, I'm getting to know my family in New England and trying to save money. I'm starting to realize that doing what I want to do will come at the cost of my relationship with my father. I don't know if thats a price I'm willing to pay.

Crossroads

I've had this cross that my mom gave me when I was a little girl for years now and I've never worn it. I don't consider myself religious but I guess you could say I'm agnostic. I untangled it tonight and put it on.I was expecting it to burn into my skin or leave a ring around my neck. You know because I don't practice any faith or belief in God. Okay so maybe I over exaggerated a little bit but, I did feel something, I think. At first I felt like I was wearing it to pretend to fit in, like I was believing in something like everyone else. Then I realized who am I trying to fool I can't put that much hope into a thing as uncertain as religion.I'm afraid of what happens after I die, I'm afraid of the unknown.That is why I can't commit to a religion.I know it sounds weird but I couldn't let myself be that vulnerable.

Soy Un Perdedor

Picture from my freshman year.Makes me want my long hair back and, gosh was I chubby last year.

(So you wanna get to know me)

I'm a tree-hugging,bookworm,teachers pet,never been kissed,loser from S.A.town Texas.I'm a nerd who knows it and writes about it in a blog.I'm that girl in class who wakes up, takes a shower, throws what evers in her closet on and tries to pour the coffee as fast as possible without scalding herself so that she can make it to the bus stop on time.I make fun of the popular kids in my head secretly because I'm shallow but, I want them to like me at the same time (duh).(That was me being funny). Some people call me a hippie because I'm a vegetarian and I care but, I just think it's because I'm a gentle person who likes animals and doesn't want to put em on a plate and shove them down my throat. I think I intimidate people sometimes because I portray(meaning I pretend) confidence in myself that gets interpreted as intensity.I'm really just an insecure person who hides behind her hair most of the time and sits by herself outside reading during lunch when most kids would be inside talking like normal teenagers with their friends.One of my favorite songs in the whole wide world is Loser by Beck.He said "I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me"but, I don't like violence so don't take it literally.(That was me trying to be funny and sarcastic again. In case you haven't noticed I like using parenthesis). I'm actually a superhero who has x-ray vision so be careful not to stand in front of me cause I might be undressing you with my eyes( literally). That was an example of my nerdiness at its best. No matter how dorky and self conscious I am and may seem I still love the person I am and always will. At least I hope I will.